Parselbosom buddies
by dantemalfoy
Summary: Slash Draco/Harry. Crossdressing. Aurors Malfoy and Potter are assigned a very difficult case. They have to infiltrate a particular establishment. When a Muggle appears, things rapidly heat up.


_**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or related characters, nor do I make any money from writing this story. It is partially based on a TV show of the eighties starring Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari, Bosom Buddies, whose rights belong to Paramount Television._

* * *

><p>oOoOo<p>

"Welcome to the Helena Rudge hotel for young ladies!" The owner of the establishment, Mrs Cobb, adjusted her bun. She peered through her bifocals at the two stunning women in front of her.

Directing her gaze to the brunette, Mrs Cobb hastily scribbled a brief note on her notebook. _Look out for her; she has a tattoo on her forehead!_

"Your name, dear?"

It wasn't the green-eyed girl who answered, but her equally beautiful companion. "She's Hannelore Potter. We blokes… I mean gals, call her Hanny."

The woman wrote the name, sighing when she heard the most unladylike snarl coming from the athletic brunette. She added a note. _Probably the girls are wild partygoers; their voices are all scratchy and rough!_

Mrs Cobb frowned when she looked at the buxom blonde. She had slim hips and a voluptuous figure. Her platinum hair reminded the woman of those blonde bombshells she used to admire in the silver screen, Marilyn Monroe and Jean Harlow.

The blonde was squirming though, as if she had sand on her body. She kept adjusting her frilly blouse where it hugged her ample bosom. Mrs Cobb wrote down. _Look out for the blonde too, looks like trouble. Will attract the wrong men._

"And your name, dear?"

It was Hannelore who answered, "She's Dolly Malfoy."

Mrs Cobb mumbled to herself, "Figures."

She dutifully wrote it down, pretending she didn't hear the growl coming from the grey-eyed beauty.

Noting that Hanny was rubbing her eyes, Mrs Cobb asked, "Something the matter, Hannelore?"

"No, it's just the contact lenses." The brunette pointed an accusing finger to her blonde companion. "I shouldn't wear them. I shouldn't listen to you, Dra... I mean Dolly!"

Mrs Cobb stood up. Shuffling the papers on the desk, she picked up the registration forms to file them later. Motioning to the door, she said, "I'll show you to your room, dears. We have a few strict rules. No men allowed in your rooms after 10 o'clock."

Mrs Cobb walked rapidly on the hall, turning to scowl at the two girls. "No drinking or partying either."

oOoOo

"Kindly remind me who had this brilliant idea?" Draco wiggled on the sofa, leaning down. "This thing is heavy," added the blond Auror, cupping his blouse.

"I reckon you could have chosen a smaller bra size." Harry reclined on the sofa, spreading his legs. His skirt rode up, showing a tear on his nylons. The point of Harry's stiletto heel touched the leg of the oak table.

"Granger told me to search it on Google. Found this website, but didn't explain the sizes. How do I know what B, C and D stand for? And those panties, they make me itch!" Draco's hand glided down his belly, touching the hem of his blouse. "I want to scratch my…"

"Don't, Draco! Women don't do that!"

Draco smiled at his naive Auror partner, shaking his head. "They might not do it in public, Harry. In private, who knows?"

Harry nodded sympathetically, crossing his legs to try to hide his burgeoning erection. The sight of a ruffled Draco always excited him. Trouble was, he didn't have the confidence to approach his fellow Auror.

"I thought size D stood for demure, so I chose this," said Draco disconsolately, looking down at his huge bosom. He sighed, taking out some of the papers with which he filled the bra.

Harry recognized his own scrawls on the yellowed parchment that landed on the couch between them. His green eyes sparkling indignantly, he said, "That's from the case I've been working on! I thought I'd lost it!"

"Potter, what did you want me to use? My own parchments?" Draco smirked, crossing his legs encased in tight black leather jeans. He was trying to think about Hagrid and Maxine tangoing in the night, to stifle his growing excitement at the sight of Harry Potter in a black pencil skirt, a dark green peasant blouse and black Prada shoes.

Someone knocked on the door. "Boys… I mean girls, can I come in?"

"Door's open, Granger!"

Hermione entered the room, trying to hide her smirk at the sight of the blond and brunet Aurors disguised as women.

She sat on the two-seater next to the couch. "I trust you've established your credentials?"

"We've made some friends, Mione. They think we're weird, but they trust us."

Draco sniffed, twirling his necklace between his pale fingers. "I don't see the point of this. Why didn't you send female Aurors?"

Hermione huffed. "You two are the best. The thing is that the Dark wizard we're after? He cast a spell that enables him to sense the magic around him. The department has been after him for years but he always escapes."

"Bloody inept wizards!"

Hermione went on, ignoring Draco's outburst. "That's why you're here undercover. You can't use Polyjuice or he'll know. He preys on women, you are supposed to act as bait and catch him."

"Mione, we grew our hair using magic. Won't this bloke detect that?" Harry brushed aside a curl of his long hair that reached past his shoulders, worrying his lower lip. His long eyelashes, enhanced with a bit of mascara, showcased to perfection his green eyes. He'd applied too much rouge to his cheeks, unconsciously taking as his model Rita Skeeter.

Draco bit his fist to stifle his moan at the delectable sight whilst Hermione sighed, trying to think of an excuse. She hadn't thought Harry would ask this when she and Pansy made up their plan to get the oblivious Aurors together.

She fiddled with the parchments on the sofa. Picking up one, she squinted at it. "Hey! This has the testimony of a witness for my case. I've been looking for it for ages."

When she looked at Draco's bosom, Hermione frowned. She noticed one breast was noticeably smaller than the other. Quickly making the connection, she smiled. "I reckon my other lost file is here, too." She poked Draco with the end of the parchment.

"Stop, Granger! It makes the bloody straps rub against my shoulders."

Noticing Harry squirming on the sofa, Hermione tried to hide her sneer. "To answer your question, Harry. The spell you used doesn't have magic that lingers."

She took a curl of Harry's long hair and twisted it around her fingers. "It's a bit… coarse."

Whilst Harry growled, she took a strand of Draco's blonde hair, smiling when she felt the soft texture. "Malfoy's hair is indeed silky. Always wanted to find out."

Draco smirked. "See, Potter, even your stalwart friend admits it. I'm better than you."

"Why, you…!"

A knock on the door interrupted Harry's indignant response. "Guys, can I come in? I'm Tom."

"Do come in," answered Harry. Meanwhile Draco grabbed some of the parchments, hastily trying to stuff the bra's left cup.

Hermione quickly cast a wandless spell that made both cups the same size. She didn't want to jeopardize her mission to get the boys together.

Tom Tackleton walked into the room. He was a tall brown-eyed brunet, very handsome. Draco and Harry quickly scooted away so the Muggle could sit in the middle of the couch.

Tom glanced at Hanny, noting that she had done her makeup very nicely - though she appeared to have a rash on her chin. There were suspicious dark spots.

"You look beautiful today, Hanny! You look like Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas. You even wear the same type of clothes."

Harry preened, especially when he noted Draco's jealous looks. _Serves the prat right! I've tried to get his attention since our training. I've done everything Ron told me, but nothing seems to work. He's a frigid blond. Now even looks like one._

Draco toyed with a curl of his platinum hair, rolling it around his pale fingers while he tapped the wooden floor with the heel of his platform shoe. The silver necklace he'd borrowed from Narcissa without telling her why dangled upon his enticingly hidden cleavage.

Tom sighed. "It's a pity you're not my type, Hanny."

Draco draped an arm on the couch, lightly touching Tom's shoulders. "So you prefer blondes?"

"Well, I do like blonds. I'm gay."

"Indeed." Draco smiled winsomely. If he couldn't have Potter, then maybe this fit Muggle would do. "You hadn't told me. I know the perfect man for you. He's my brother Draco and he…"

"Was squashed by a hippopotamus. Went to the zoo and slipped on a banana that was on the floor, falling to the hippo's tank. I reckon he'll be out of circulation for a month," finished Harry, scowling at Draco. _Why, he ignores me and wants to go out with this Muggle! I'll show him!_

When the blond snorted indignantly, Harry glared at his buxom partner. Lightly touching Tom's knee, he said in a sultry voice, "If you're interested, Tom, I could introduce you to my cousin. His name is Harry and…"

"He's in hospital. Going to stay there for six months." Draco said, holding up his hand. Examining it critically, he weighed whether he should have a manicure.

"Oh, that's awful. What happened?" Tom was nervous. If so many bad things happened to the girls' relatives, maybe he was in danger.

Draco's brow furrowed in concentration. "He fell when his broom lifted too high." Seeing the Muggle's puzzled look, the blond added hastily, "I mean he fell from his boom lift."

Huffing, Harry crossed his arms. The pressure of his arms against his stuffed bra made the blouse bulge dangerously. Hermione trembled on her seat, wondering if she'd be quick enough to cast a spell if the buttons of the blouse suddenly popped out and went flying.

Harry was furious. He wanted to have it out with Draco, right now. He was interfering with his nonexistent love life! But the Muggle was between them. Turning, Harry squared his shoulders, his breasts pointing menacingly at Draco.

Concentrating on the intertwining snakes that composed the necklace around the pale throat he wanted to mark as his own, Harry spoke in Parseltongue. He had to express his frustration and he was sure that no one would understand him.

_"Why do you sssstand in my way, Draco? If I can't have you, allow me happinessss."_

Hearing the hissing noises, Tom jumped out of the sofa.

Harry was startled when he heard the sibilant sounds of Draco's response. _"What do you mean? You never expresssssed interesssst in me!"_

"What's going on?" Tom retreated to the corner, sweating profusely. "Why are Hanny and Dolly hissing like angry cats?"

Hermione stood up, a bit bewildered. She didn't know Malfoy spoke Parseltongue. She'd have to deal with the situation with the Muggle. Because she didn't want to _Obliviate_ Tom, she explained, "It's their thing. They want to grab a slot in the musical Cats. They're practising."

"What? I haven't heard them sing…"

As she opened the door and led Tom outside, Hermione tried to convince the Muggle. "They're fiercely competitive and there's only one role open. Sometimes they forget themselves."

oOoOo

Harry hissed angrily, "You're a Parseltongue?" Mumbling in Parsel, he went on. "What did you do? Download it?"

Draco drawled, "If you must know, my great-great-grandmother was a Veela who married a descendant of Slytherin."

Harry spoke huskily. "So that's why you're so handsome."

"And you're a dolt, Potter! What did you mean before?"

"I've been trying to get you to notice me. Ron said I had to woo-"

Draco sneered. "So that's why you kept demeaning the people I went out with! You're even dumber than I thought, if quite handsome." The blond drawled, "I can't believe you followed the stupid advice of the ginger git!"

"Don't call Ron that!"

"What are you going to do, Potter? Fight me? Your boobs will get in the way."

"That does it!" Harry launched himself at Draco, yanking one of the enticingly silky locks.

"Ouch!" Draco retaliated pulling a long strand of Harry's unruly black hair.

oOoOo

Dominic was looking intently at the window of the apartment building across the street. Peering through his binoculars, he couldn't believe what he saw.

His partner was busy browsing the web. His finger lightly caressing the touchpad, the man changed the song he was listening to. Billy Joel started singing, _"I don't care what you say anymore…"_

Turning to look at Dominic, the man's intense blue eyes sparkled with frustration. "I can't find good lesbian porn. I wanna see a good catfight!"

"You don't need any. I'm watching a hot one right now." Dominic followed the wrestling match of the blonde and brunette. "Do you remember Hanny and Dolly? We met them the other day. The blonde had a great rack!"

"So what? They're straight women, dummy!" The black-haired man mumbled, "They kept glancing at my crotch."

"Don't think so, a while ago they were pulling each other's hair, fighting like mad cats. Now they're kissing! You don't need to surf the net, these women are hot."

"Lemme see." The blue-eyed man grabbed the binoculars, whistling softly at what he saw through them.

oOoOo

On top of Harry, Draco caressed his cheek tenderly, raining kisses upon his pouty lips. "You shouldn't have listened to Weasley. I was afraid to make the first move. I've had enough of your rejections."

Draco grimaced. When he saw the brunet's scowl he explained, "Your lipstick tastes horribly, Harry."

Harry soundly kissed Draco's cheek. Afterwards he smirked, watching the red mark left by his cherry-red lipstick on the blond's once pristine skin. "So does yours."

Harry manoeuvred their bodies so now he was atop Draco. Holding tightly his waist, he said. "We'll have to get out of these clothes. I can't get close to you. Your huge knockers are pushing against mine."


End file.
